Some things have to be expressed. | Forum

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OracleFox Jul 10 '18
Hey there, everyone. Lately, I've been very "closed" off from the server. Meaning, I haven't been feeling happy for the past year, I've been dealing with multiple corners and walls of harassment online lately. *Sexually harassed, verbally harassed, etc.*
I will get to this in a bit, but I'm not suicidal, I'm going through some self-loathing currently. I've been saying to myself that everything is my fault when it really isn't. Anyways, I'll explain what I've been dealing with for the past year.

~August 2017: I was in an LGBTQ+ Discord server when a group of people invited me to a "Private group DM". We had fun, shared our voices, shared our faces, shared our names until someone in the group decided "Hey, let me look at this person (me) through Google and see what pops up."
The person did that and it popped up with a famous actor/director "Max Greenfield", it wasn't too long for them to start talking about me, but they weren't saying nice things about me anymore, they were harassing me, they were calling me a "pedophile", they were saying that I was actually a 40-year-old man, they accused me of catfishing. The worst part of this was, an admin of that same Discord server harassed me also. They didn't even bother trying to stop the group from harassing me; they jumped to harass me.

This has been latched onto me for almost a year now, and I'm trying to get rid of this issue.

~May 2018: Recently, someone from another Discord server triggered the trauma again. This person sexually harassed me in a DM on Discord, they harassed a bunch of people on their own server. They tried to get in the way between my boyfriend and me. You may ask "How does this trigger the trauma of your pass issue?"
Because I lost faith and trust in people, I lost trust from those people that harassed me a year ago. I lost trust again from this user that harassed my not too long ago.
If you ever see me online, I never talk about my age, my face, nor my life. I never talk in voice chats, because I can't trust people in what they think of me anymore.

~June 2018: The harassment gets worse, I've been struggling even more. I expressed my feelings on a Discord server that has over 2,000+ users. I told everyone the truth about my catfish accusations. 2-3 weeks later, I feel insecure again. Then, it the same thing happened from a year ago. A group of people harasses me, saying that I don't deserve to have friends, that I shouldn't even be online, that I should get any help. They tried to drive me to suicide, I even explained to the owner of the server who the people were, and they eventually stopped them from harassing me. I wasn't on that server for 2-3 weeks, because I needed to take time away from people. I eventually returned to that server, and I'm hoping that I can feel better, I'm hoping that I can finally see if I can trust people.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, I may sound a little bit under the weather, but don't worry, I'm hoping that I feel better after this. Somethings have to be expressed, though. 
I'm not suicidal, I'm slightly depressed. I'm getting the help I need, but slowly. I hope you guys understand what I'm going through, and I hope you don't see me as a bad person.

(My real name is "Max", and I hate my name ever since this issue has happened, I prefer to go by either "Oracle" or "Nick", and please respect that. I don't want any more problems to stack up to actually kill me.)If you don't know my in game name, it's "SergeantSergal". Thank you.

It's almost impossible for me to recover from these issues, I can never say that it's their fault, all I say that it's all my fault because I self-loathe. I'm still trying to get the help I need, and I'm perfectly fine.

The Forum post is edited by OracleFox Jul 10 '18
Nate Jul 10 '18
Considering the harassment is derived from false accusations, as it would seem from your blog, and despite the difficult nature of uncontrollable self-loathing (the effects of which can be reduced through self-achievement and personal growth), you can have faith and find solace in those who support you. I can figure that it is only a select, few people who actually are trying to bother you, most individuals would want nothing to do with personally traumatizing another. Ultimately, the block-user tool is something I strongly recommend utilizing when the issue arises. Situations like this can be undeniably stressful, but you must not allow the malice to emotionally torment you. Whether you feel like you deserve the torment for past errors and sins (not necessarily in a religious context) is irrelevant, nobody deserves to be falsely accused.

I suggest allowing your mind to vindicate itself, even if it initially desires to object, considering the unfair situation.
The Forum post is edited by Nate Jul 10 '18